Yes, the Sean and Legs date consisted of the 2 of them kissing on-screen for over 3 minutes and 15 seconds. The best part about this spectacular event (more sarcasm) is that the show aired the ENTIRE 3 minutes and 15 seconds of it happening. I'd rather watch David Blaine for 48hrs straight, making a fool of himself, attempting to stand up on a lightning rod, in a storm, wearing a copper outfit 42 stories in the air. Shit, I'd even rather watch Sean's dad on that hectic, dangerous, yet remarkable, 97 hour journey across every state in the US in its entirety on TV; but not 2 people kissing or touching lips for this long. I bet Sean had a hard on the entire time and was probably thinking of his lover Ari to inspire him to keep those lips locked with ol mini-skirt. And speaking of mini-skirt, Legs couldn't help but wear her 9 year old niece's dress to the party allowing all the hundreds of people who were in attendance (yes, people actually showed up for this dribble) to get a sneak peak of Leg's magical place. On a side note - One time in 8th grade i kissed my then girlfriend for like 12 minutes.. on purpose.. it was gross. We timed it and everything. We should have called Guinness.
After this fantastic feat, the 2 decided to break another world record by having the most boring dinner rooftop date EVER. On the famous Roosevelt Hotel, they overlooked heroin addicts and hipsters and tourists soaking up all the Hollywood fun down yonder. Instead of spitting loogies on tourists head from above, they decided to talk about what their possible future will be after meeting each other 2 days ago. This is definitely something that my wife and I discussed on our first date as well. At the end of the day, it wasn't Leslie who got the rose but those legs. Good Lordie.
Group Date
Sean knows how to pick a date as he makes a bunch of potential wives duke it out in some beach volleyball; loser goes home. This sends the women on a violet tear into each other's soul, heart and ego. Me, the straight male viewer, gets privied to 12 semi-nude women, frolicking on the beach while the female at home gets another 10 minutes of Sean with his shirt off. Its a win for both sexes. This scene reminded me of the Top Gun volleyball scene because, let's face it, that was a bunch of women playing volleyball as well. The game takes way too long as the sun is beginning to set. Too bad Guinness wasn't here to witness this epic battle of love. It could have possibly won the longest-game-of-volleyball-to-win-ones-heart-on-a-reality-show award.
Finally, the model aka alien-eyes, fucks up and her team loses sending a bunch of cry babies back to the house.
On a side note - This reminded me when I was in Peanut League baseball and our team was in the championships. It was the bottom of the last inning and we were down 9-0. It was 2 outs and guess who was up. Your's truly. I hit a grounder to second and was thrown out at first; ending the game. I cried for 3 days straight. I'm sure the model aka alien-eyes is still crying as I type. She should. She was voted off later on. Loser.
After the win, the girls get to spend alone time with their possible future hubby. One by one, each girl has their own scheming way to get Sean's attention. Guinness is called back, again for a kiss; but this time for the most wet kiss ever. Lindsay wins this award as she sucks his lips and chin as if she hadn't eaten in days.
Inner thought: I hope one of these girls has herpe lips and then the whole crew gets it. Awesome!
Kacie thinks of a strategic plan to tell Sean that 2 of the girls are fighting with each other. This backfires as the usually dumb blond actually asks an intelligent question: "Why are you telling me this?" This sends Kacie into something resembling like they have marbles in their mouth as she tries to find an answer with that always-stupid-looking smirk she wears. If Guinness was there she would have won the dumbest-move-in-Bachelor-history reward.
Lindsay's ability to suck the chrome off a muffler wins her the group date rose.
One on One date - Ashlee
"She looks like Carrie" - Rosie BartAshlee should have won Guinness's Worst-Date-Ever award as her entire one one time was overshadowed by something far more important.
First, you have Tierra falling down the stairs. I thought long and hard about 50 jokes on this but at the end of the day i think she really fell down those stairs. Of course the other girls think she faked it. She'd have to be a stunt woman as a side job to pull this feat off.
Second, their date is at Six Flags. This is every boys dream; not some girl on a reality dating show wearing high heels.
Finally, Ashlee has company and its not just Sean. Instead, it is 2 handicapped girls coming to share their moment of finally meeting one another. This was awesome that the show did this but did they really want to hang with Sean and Ashlee or vice versa. For the sake of my humanity and dignity i will NOT make any stupid jokes about the 2 girls. But my wife and I did ask each other, "Can these girls go on these rides?"
At last they have their moment alone. Ashlee starts the conversation by brining up baggage from her past. She states that she had a rough childhood coming from an abused foster home to later getting adopted at the age of 6. This is the same girl that said that Tierra purposely fell down the stairs to draw attention to Sean; and here she is, doing the same. The difference is she didn't get hurt doing it! Poor Tierra.
Somehow Ashlee gets Sean to cry revealing his inner self to all at home making my wife and every other women fall even more in love with him. I personally think that the Emmy people should be called for that acting performance.. paallleeaaseee. It would have been soooo great if Sean refused to give Ashlee the rose because she embarrassed him by making him cry; this didn't happen. Of course she got the rose along with America's heart. Boo.
Rose Ceremony
Nothing of importance happens here except that Sean brings Sarah her dog adding another dog running around the house. There is already about 8 of them now. What's one more?
I noticed that Tierra has a scar on her forehead. Actually i noticed this the first time i saw her. Perhaps this is from the exorcism she received as a child? Or the nazi symbol she had tattooed as a teenager and then removed? Sean feels its only right to give Kacie the boot privately. Well, actually he calls her out during the ceremony. She never returns and never gets to say goodbye to anyone. I'd say she had a bad break.
Along with Kacie, Taryn aka the 53 year old looking woman and Kristy aka The Model aka The One Who Lost the Game for her Team aka Alien-Eyes were both sent home.
Stay tuned for next week.
