American Horror Story: Asylum ep1 - Welcom to Briarcliff

Sadistic doctors, spooky nuns, homosexual and interracial relationships, snooty reporters, repressed sexual impulses, extra-terrestrials and the front man for Maroon 5 getting his arm ripped off are just some of the strange and bizarre, yet incredibly scary and entertaining, things we saw on the premiere episode of American Horror Story season 2. 

American Idol Week 8 Results - One Strange Night

Jimmy and Friends showcased 3 acts last night.  The first was a Queen ensemble group called the Queen Extravaganza, basically an attempt from Queen to franchise the name and make lots of money. The lead singer was very good but certainly not Freddie Mercury.  Good golly was that young man sweating after 1 song.  There were like 15 people in the group.  Yesterday was "Bring your kid to work day" so perhaps this is why we saw young and old rocking it out on the stage.  Looked like a family reunion at one point.  Then the guitarist decides to do a back flip because this is cool i guess.  He almost wipes out and looks like he badly hurt his knee as we never saw him again the rest of the song.  Then out came the 2 original band members from the shadows. Something about old rockers that just bothers me. Oh yes, its the fact that they are 80 and still trying to "rock" out with their long thinning gray hair.. booo.  The second act was Stefano.. more

American Idol Week 8 - Queen of the night

Wrong Queen??

<-- Queen ruled the night on American Idol last night as the contestants belted out hits from the band as well as their own personal song choice.  It was a night of some amazing singing; maybe the best so far on the show. There was also a missing factor - Jimmy.  Perhaps, this is why they sang so good?  Tommy Hilfiger has slowly been vanishing in the shadows of the advertisement world on the show, as well.  Maybe he realized that nobody is buying Tommy Hilfiger except men in their 50s who clearly don't watch the show.  He will NOT be missed. 

The Real Housewives of NJ - The Cookbook

"All i know is when i buy a cookbook, i want the fucking recipes.  I dont give a fuck about a carwash or friends" - Rosie Bart

Excellent point, Rosie, and i couldn't agree with you more (since you are my wife and i HAVE to agree with you). 


A cookbook is defined as the following (courtesy of wikipedia):

American Idol Week 7 Results - Where were you when it happened?

Where were you when it happened?

American Idol Week 7 - Lady Gaga vs Marvin Gaye

Jimmy and his friends, well, simply Jimmy (he was without friends this week) showcased songs from the 2000s to today as well as another round for Soul mofo singing.  Basically, it was Marvin Gaye, Alicia Keys and Lady Gaga night.   I felt the first half of the show went well. The singers were able to showcase more relevant songs that mean something to them and sing them great. The second part failed miserably, with the exception of Josh and Jessica.   There was certainly a misconnect with the singers and the songs they tried to sing.  

The show started off with Mr. Holland's Opus as they showed, AGAIN, Jessica being voted off and then saved and all the drama that unfolded before and after. ENOUGH already.  Its not the fucking presidential elections.  American Idol stop taking yourself so fucking serious.  At the end of the day you are just another talent show.  Enough with the theatrics. 

American Idol Week 6 Results - World War 3..the reality TV version

Christ on a pony!  Great Scott!  Jupiter's Cock!  Christ eating buscuits!  Good Golly Miss Molly!  These should all be the major headlines in all major media this morning.  Fuck North Korea trying to shoot a missile and fail miserably, this shit has far more importance!  Jessica was voted off American Idol last night....

Spartacus Blood and Sand - Jupiter's Cock! What a great show!!

I am BARTACUS!!!

Jupiters cock!!  What a great show!

I just finished the 1st season of Spartacus and i must say it lives up to the hype.  I was going to blog after every episode but I had the urge to continue watching more and more.  Consider this a Season 1 blog and my experience with the show so far.

American Idol Week 6 - Kiss my auto-tuned ass

Last night Jimmy and friends had Akon as a guest mentor.  The guy said literally 3 words and when he did it was autotuned.  Akon is a great singer BUT.. i believe i have only ever heard him sing in auto-tune. Therefore, how can he mentor a singing show when his singing is auto-corrected.  {scratching my head}


When the show started I thought somebody died; like a contestant or maybe even one of the judges. Then i realized, no, they were just recapping Deandre getting the boot.  Oh my the drama.  They show Deandre's peoples at some Hooters and their reaction when he got kicked off. I could have swore I saw a couple people cheering wearing Team Colton shirts but who i am to judge.  


The judges are introduced and we see JLo wearing a dress that looked like it was handled by Edward

American Idol Week 5 Results - JLo's new porno

Last night, Jimmy and Friends had their result show in which the lovable (sarcasm included) Deandre was sent home.  The one time that i finally say he did a great job he got the boot. I should have said he did a great job 4 weeks ago.  Boo me.  He was my go-to guy for the jokes. Shit. 


We had the delight to see JLo's new porno for her new song.  It was

American Idol Week 5 - Keytar Hero

Last night Jimmy and friends introduced the songs of the 80's to the American Idol contestants who were born in the 90s.  It was an interesting night as the 80s, for me, is a time of wacky outfits, big hair, and strange songs with crazy addicting choruses.  I saw or heard none of this.  The only person who seem to dressed for the occassion was Randy as he sported, what looked like, the shirt that the clown doll wor

Spartacus 1.1 - What mighty BIG pecs you have..

I know i am 3 years late to the party but my wife and i finally got around to watching the show Spartacus.  I must say it is very good!   Its sort of 300 meets Gladiator meets original Spartacus meets Kill Bill Vol1 meets porn.  Everything about the show just works.  I plan to start blogging about each ep as i watch. Enjoy.

American Idol Week 4 Results - End of the Asian Invasian?

Last night's Jimmy and Friends Results show, proved that being the funny man will not get you far in life or at least not American Idol.  Yes, my friends, my favorite American Idol comedian Heejun was sent packing. My Asian Invasian dreams are over. At least for now.  Booo America.  


Now does he have to leave the show and go home?  Or does

American Idol Week 4 - Cougar Town?

Holy eyebrows batman!!

Last night Jimmy and Friends showcased the legendary Stevie Nicks whom, i believe, was completely out of her mind on drugs.  She certainly proved to be a cougar, hunting young wild game as she was whispering sweet nothings to Phillip and the other male contestants.  She also was dressed like my 72 year old aunt. Oh wait, thats right.  This is because she is like 72. 

American Idol Results Week 3 - Happy 87th berfday Steven!

Last nights results show was a snooze fest as always. Fast forward is our best friend during this hour.  

Few things.. 

• We did stop our fast forward session to listen to Lana Del Ray sing Video Games.  Something about this song i love; not sure what it is.  It is so hauntingly beautiful.  Something about the way she sings it in like 6 different voices.  She's sorta like the new white Nikki Minaj.  Let's just hope for next years Grammies she is not hovering over the audience pretending she is possessed.  Regardless, she sounded fantastic.

American Idol Week 3 - P.Diddy Daddy Dirty Doody Dud Dumb Money

Last night's American Idol aka Jimmy and friends had Diddy as the celebrity mentor.  It got weird when they announced his name.  They werent sure if they were to say Sean or Sean Combs, or Puff Daddy, or Puffy, or P. Diddy, or Diddy, or Diddy Dirty Money, or A$$hole (dollar signs intended). Regardless, he went simply as Diddy last night.  I think Diddy or A$$hole wanted to be a part of the show so he can get ideas for new remixes.  Its been awhile.  What was more interesting was to see JLo and A$$hole appear on the same show together.  Possible reconnection?  DannyBart.com will bring the exclusive if it happens!  


The show opens with Shannon leaving the show.  We see the other finalists crying their eyes out as they give hugs to Shannon as she says goodbye to her dreams of becoming America's Idol.  Why the f are they crying?  I hope they are tears of joy!  It's a competition people!  Get over it!  You want people to go home. This isnt Polish* Idol!  (* I am allowed to make this joke because i am polish. Sorry if i offended anyone)

American Idol Results Week 2 - Enough about the sponsors!

I came to a realization last night.  American Idol's results show should be renamed to The American Idol Sponsor Show.  It's basically 1 full hour of non-stop advertisements from their sponsors.  Last night the contestants attempted their acting skills in a "scary" themed Ford commercial.  I had to fast forward because i was too frightened by the acting.  But now i know, whenever I am in a situation where there are ghosts haunting me, a ford Focus will help me get through it!  YESS!  Then we had JLo plugging her magazine, her new video, her new makeup line, her new single, her new boyfriend, her new nipple slip; you get the point.  Later, we had Tommy Hilfiger; yes.. Tommy Hilfiger, come out and talk about how he is the fashion designer for the American Idol tour?  I am not even sure what to say about all this.  They seriously should just cut the show to 5 minutes and announce who is going home already or announce it on Twitter as they shamelessly plug that all night as well. 

American Idol Finals Week 2 - Dan.I.El

Will.I.Am was helping Jimmy coach the finalists this week, hence the title of this post. Like what i did there.  Oh boy, what a night.  Does anybody else think that the coaches, aka Jimmy and friends, are doing more worse than better for these singers.  

I was surprised that they brought Will.I.Suck back out this year to critique and coach the finalists again.  For one, he looks like a black John Lennon who just arrived from the planet Voltron. Also, every single hit that the Black Eyed Peas have had relied on MEGA auto-tuning and robot voices.  So what gives this man the right to critique and judge singers in a competition when he uses robot voices in his songs!  I don't get it.  

Baby Lady Will?

The Bachelor Final Rose - Beauty and the Ostrich

"Will you marry me?" is the ultimate sacrifice a man makes to prove to the one he loves that he is willing to spend the rest of his life with her (or him... its 2012).  And the woman's (or man..its 2012) response "YES" is the ultimate sacrifice a woman (or man..its 2012) makes to receive a lifetime of happiness with the one he/she loves.  This is reality.  However, in reality TV world, that "Will you marry me?" is watched over by 5 cameras, 3 set designers, 57 producers, 460 sponsors,  17 takes, 18 script rewrites, 400 minutes of memorizing the "will you marry me" script and of course a setting and scenery that is to die for.  Also, in reality TV world, that big fat YES is not a yes to marry the man of her dreams (or his dreams..its 2012). Instead, that YES is to receive that $80,000 ring that was, of course, sponsored and conveniently placed in the show prior to the proposal.  Gotta love reality TV!

American Idol - Week 1 results show

For my prior American Idol posts click here. 


Change?:
It was evident in last night's episode of American Idol that change is need. Apparently, America's vote is beginning to matter less and less in this show. The fact that the judges decided who to sent home clearly proves that they are trying desperately to change this format in anyway possible.  Soon it will be called Interscope Record Idol.  Jimmy, one of the main peeps at Interscope, is showing up more, as well.  Perhaps he should be a permanent judge on this show because, lets face it, he is brutally honest and knows his shit!

Survivor 1 World - Colton vs Bill. The epic showdown.

This past episode of Survivor proved, once again, that the men on this show are morons.  I hope that women who are watching this show don't think that all men are created equal, because if that is the case we would all be scratching our asses with steak knives given the moronic moves these men have made so far this season.  


Quick Recap:

Im surprised Colton didnt catapult Lief

I missed the first 10 minutes due to DVR failures but i didnt miss much apparently.  The women destroyed the men, again, and got their 3rd challenge win in a row. After the win, WeeMan aka Leif tells Bill that he was on the chopping block the prior tribal council.  Somehow word gets out to Colton and shit goes down.  NEVER EVER EVER ever ever ever reveal a secret or sabotage an alliance with a gay man. Colton reacted as if he heard that Judy Garland faked her death and is living in Mexico at the tender age of 90.  Speaking of Judy Garland, his comment, "that little munchkin is gonna get knocked back to oz", may top the list of the greatest Survivor quote.  Once again, i am embarrassed i couldnt think of this on my own. Colton tells Lief that he is going home. Lief admits that he put his foot in his mouth. I am thinking he needs to put something of Colton's in his mouth in order to stay in this game!!

2012 American Idol Bart picks

Here are the official 2012 Bart American Idol Contest Entries:


My list (number to right indicates the place they finished in)

1. Jessica (7) - SAVED
2. Colton (6)
3. Schuyler
4. Phliip
5. Heejun (9)
6. Hollie
7. Josh
8. Erika (10)
9. Jeremy (12)
10. Deandre (8)
11. Elise (6)
12. Shannon (11)

Update 4/26/12 - 21pts

Week 7 - Judges save

Rosie's list aka my wife (number to right indicates the place they finished in)

1. Colton(6)
2. Holly
3. Jessica(7) - SAVED
4. Phillip
5. Schuyler
6. Elise (6)
7. Heejune (9)
8. Joshua
9. Erika (10)
10. Deandre (8)
11. Shannon (11)
12. Jeremy (12)

Update 4/26/12 - 10 pt
Week 7 - Judges save

and once again, here are the contest rules -> 2012 AI rules

SCORE (4/26/12)

Danny - 21

Rose - 10

Im getting my ass kicked!!!

Click here for prior blogs. 

Be sure to become a fan on my facebook page below.  Good luck! 

American Idol Finals Week 1 - AND DIIIEEEEEE-EEEIIIIII WILL ALWAYSSSS LOVEEEEE YOUOUUOUOUO

Just as we suspected

Last nights American Idol was epic in terms of the singers that the finalists had to portray.  The men had to sing Stevie Wonder and the women, the late Whitney Houston.  It was comforting to hear Whitney's music as i havent heard it in a long time {sarcasm}.  Overall the finalists did a decent job with their song choices. 


Some early observations:
Jimmy Iovine is the new Simon Cowell of the show. His brutal honesty is what makes this show still real in some ways.  Last week he got criticized by the judges, especially JLo, for being too harsh to the contestants.   Umm.. your job is to do just that and not tell the singers how pretty or handsome they look.  Anyways, Jimmy appears this week with Mary J (the queen of R&B?) and gives some lessons on how to sound bad ass for America.  I like this guy. I dont know why. I can say this, he knows what he is talking about as he is a HUGE producer and chairman of Interscope Records.  In fact, if you listen to some of Eminem's early CDs you will hear Eminem make references to Jimmy, as he is the one who supposedly sent Em's demo to Dr Dre to get signed.  Just a little fun fact there kids. (i totally googled it)

The Bachelor - Women Tell All aka Women Bitch Alot

This weeks Bachelor was the "Tell All". The part of the show in which the ladies tell all that has happened on the show. They should basically change the name  to "Ladies Bitching" because basically that's all this was for 2 hours clearly proving that women do not get along.

Some highlights of the night..

Alcatraz - Another one bites the dust..

This is a post specifically meant to make fun of shows that had potential and failed miserably. The moment that i give up a the show is when I stop the recording (while watching), delete it and then goto series recordings on my DVR and remove it completely.  This is what i call Stop-Delete-Cancel Recording.  These posts are an homage to the specific point that i gave up on the show. 

This particular blog is all about the new show Alcatraz.

Alcatraz

I really tried hard to like this show and almost did.  That is, until,  all the bad writing and character development overshadowed my interest.  I think i made it to the 4th episode, the one with the landmines, when i gave up.

My moment of Stop - Delete - Cancel Recording (click here for prior posts) came when Sam O'Niel's character, Hauser,  gets a lead that the 102 yr old land mine killer is loose in a park plotting his next move.  Hauser shows up at the park in his loud gas guzzling super huge SUV; one that is so loud that it would scare the fish away in the nearby lake.  It just so happens that he pulls up at the exact time that the killer is standing behind a rock.  As he looks over, he sees the killer walking non-chalantly away behind the rock.  The killer didnt even notice him, but of course, Hauser did and the chase is on.  The killer would have certainly been on the lookout. The car approaching, as well as the car door shutting would have certainly sent this land mine killer dude running far far away; but he did not hear a thing!  This type of cliche scene has been done soooo many times.  Its an easy out for the writers to sum up their cat/mouse chase.  For me, this was my Stop-Delete-Cancel Recording.  There was just already too much wrong with the show that i had to give up forever on it.

Terra Nova sucks dinosaur @#%$!

This is a post specifically meant to make fun of shows that had potential and failed miserably. The moment that i give up a the show is when I stop the recording (while watching), delete it and then goto series recordings on my DVR and remove it completely.  This is what i call Stop-Delete-Cancel Recording.  These posts are an homage to the specific point that i gave up on the show.

This particular blog is all about the new show Terra Nova.

I just want to punch this family in the face

ok so where to begin. After feeling an emptiness after Lost dissipated from American airwaves I've had a need to feel this void.  The last couple years have had mediocre shows at best. Even Dexter's last season was a little weak (of course how do you ever beat season 4).  My 2 hours of watching tv at night with my wonderful wife Rosie is starting to become 2 hours of us playing on our iPhones instead of watching TV.. I sorta blame the iPhone for that :-)

Person of Interest... or i should say Show of No Interest

This is a post specifically meant to make fun of shows that had potential and failed miserably. The moment that i give up a the show is when I stop the recording (while watching), delete it and then goto series recordings on my DVR and remove it completely.  This is what i call Stop-Delete-Cancel Recording.  These posts are an homage to the specific point that i gave up on the show. 

This particular blog is all about the new show Person Of Interest.

  the same face my wife and i gave when watching this shit of show.

Stop. Delete. Cancel Recording

This is a post specifically meant to make fun of shows that had potential and failed miserably. The moment that i give up a the show is when I stop the recording (while watching), delete it and then goto series recordings on my DVR and remove it completely.  This is what i call Stop-Delete-Cancel Recording.  These posts are an homage to the specific point that i gave up on the show. 

List of TV shows i've SDC:

• Alcatraz
• Person of Interest
• Terra Nova

Survivor 1 World blog posts

Survivor 1 World - Battle of the Sexes blog posts:

• Ep 1 - A dumb blonde, a Brigitte Nielsen and an annoying gay guy.
• Ep 2 - Men are from Mars...clearly.
• Ep 3 - Colton vs Bill. The epic showdown. 

Survivor 1 World - Men are from Mars...clearly

For prior Survivor posts... click here. 


This weeks Survivor proved a big turning point for the guy's tribe. We learned 2 major things this episode.

1. Guys are idiots.  They dont know how to use that little part of the brain that solves puzzles. Its no mystery that men can't remember shit. I still need to go back and see what i wrote in my blogs 10 minutes later because i forgot. So we can already assume that the men were gonna lose the memory challenge. But puzzles... come on.. you had like a 15 minute head start!
2. Guys are smart.  I know i comletely contradicted myself but voting off Matt is one of the smartest moves that the men could have made. And it was designed by the lovely half man-half amazing Colton. 

American Idol - Top 13 finalists and Jimmy

Ok so the results are in.. here is how my wife and i did... not too well. :-(

Click here for prior American Idol blog posts.

My top 6 men were (in no particular order):
Adam
Colton
Creighton
Phillip
Heejune
Josh

My top 6 women were (in no particular order):
Jen
Haley Day
Schuyler
Jessica
Elise
Shannon

Rose's top 6 men were: (in no particular order)
Adam
Colton
Phillip
Jeremy
Heejune
Aaron

Rose's top 6 females were (in no particular order):
Erika
Jessica
Jen
Haley Day
Brielle
Schyler


And the actual finalists are:
Philip
Josh
Heejun
Colton
Jermaine
Jeremy - Wild Card
Deandre - Wild Card
Hollie
Jessica
Shannon
Schyler
Elise
Erika - Wild Card

So i got 8 correct.  Rose got 7.  I got 1 up on her.. thats whats up


Some things about tonight..

• Jen KILLED Hey Darling by the Beatles.. in a good way.
• Jeremy sang Carrie Underwood ... great last note.. Jlo and Jeremy had a moment and shared tears.  Jlo is loking for the complete opposite of her ex.. someone who is fat and much yonger and doesnt look like an hispanic Skeletor

• Briele sang Adele.. really?  it sounded like Adele's special sister sang it.. didnt she hear Jimmy say "Jimmy doest want to hear Adele.. Jimmy is tired of Adele"

Jimmy's tired of Adele.  Jimmy doesnt want to hear Adele anymore

• Deandre... i hate it already.. didnt even hear it yet.  Cares more about his hair than he does singing.  But wait.. what the hell happend.. homeboy with curls can SING..  Where the hell did this voice come from.  His falsetto sounds much more controlled this time.  Phenomenal range. Needs to tame his Adam Lambert scream!
• Erika sang Edge of Glory Lady Gaga.. damm sounds just like her.  beginning was good..middle was terrible!  Chorus is just aight with me dog.  Did she get tired or sometihng..maybe hungry in between
• Reed sang .. well first decides to change his clothes.. i cant stand people who sing and talk to the audience in between teh song like "come on" or 'put your hands together" or "thats right you feel it".. shut up.  Reed got confused on stage as he was loking for his drum set.  this dude had 18 hour energy drink before he got on stage. Im not sure what just happened.  Of course he didnt get chosen but he would have been really really fun to blog about had he did. 

2012 American Idol posts

Here is a list of all the posts so far on American Idol:

Staring from the most recent post - 

• Results Week2 - Sponsors suck.
• Finale Week 2 - Dan.I.El
• Finalists week 1 results show
• Danny and Rosie top 13 picks
• Finale Week 1 
• Top 12 females
• Top 12 males
• 2012 Official American Idol Bart Contest Rules

Official 2012 American Idol Bart Contest rules

Here are the official 2012 American Idol Bart Contest rules...

• 2012 American Idol Bart Contest Rules

Yes..my wife and i are dorks.  However, stupid things like this make the show fun.  And no it didnt take me long to write this up.

Feel free to download and use for your own pleasure.  Of course our Winnings section is a little more baby related but imagine what it was before Rose was pregnant.. Yowzers!!

Click here for American Idol blog posts.

American Idol season 11 - Top 12 girls, half named Holly

For my prior American Idol posts click here

Last night was the top 12 women performing so let's get right to it.  


Some observations:  

• Ryan Seacrest looks like Kermit the Frog
• Steven Tyler decided to wear his mother's old couch cover as a shirt.
• Does Coke sponsor American Idol?  I am not quite sure.
• I think every girl in the competition is named Haley or Holy.. 

Steven's shirt material?

American Idol season 11 - Top 12 men w/ 1 bad surprise

American Idol.  A show devoted to young talent trying to get a job and make it in the real world.  What was once an inspiring show is now becoming irrelevant as the talent who wins the crown is getting trumped by the talent who didnt win the show.  They should change the name to American Popularity Contest as the most popular or best looking or best story is the person who wins.

My wife and i have been watching this since season 2.. ok she watched season 1 and i made fun of it saying i would never ever watch this gay* show (*not gay as in homosexual).  Season 2 came along and i was hooked.  We have our own little "contest" in which we pick our top 12 finalists and choose them in teh order they will be voted off.  Winner has to do..well we keep that part private.  This year the rules will be changing a bit.  I will be writing up the new rules this year as well as a new point system. Yes.. we take this serious.  So be on the lookout later for the "official American Idol" contest rules blog a bit later today.

The Bachelor - Swiss Miss anyone?

Imagine being on your 5th date with a girl (or i should say boy as i believe my audience is more women then men for my bachelor posts..but who knows).  Ok so imagine your on your 5th date with a man.  The man is great and sooo dreamy and you are starting to have some feelings for him.  So far your dates have consisted of scaling mountains, jumping out of helicopters, swimming with sharks, playing baseball against his other girlfriends and even the chance for him to meet your parents. I know. I am falling in love with this man too with that collection of dates! Sounds too good to be true. But now what.  You have gone on some dates that only Fear Factor contestants would go on and have only gotten to second base, unless of course your Courtney.  But now what.  Well, that's where the producers of the show make it sooo much easier for us men.  Instead of playing that silly game of trying to slowly move your hand up a women's shirt or down their pants, the producers have very slyly avoid all this with the "will-you-sleep-with-me" card.  But here is where it gets even better.  I don't give her the card.. no no.. But my friend gives her the card. We will call him Chris.  Chris gives my date the card. Then she opens it and reads the card to me because how would i know what it says..its from Chris.  Then she makes the decision if she will sleep with me or not.  GENIUS!  I am thinking that ABC should begin to patent this idea.  Think about it.  This bad ass card can stop world hunger and bring world peace.  The hard labor of trying to sleep with a women is a thing of the past.  You simply give them a card that contains a special key.  If they decide to accept the key then you got a golden ticket my friend.  I believe Apple is already working on this process and they are calling it iSex.  Patents are rumored to be in the works.

2012 Oscars aka Napolean "Oscar" Bonaparte Invasion

Ahh.. the Oscars. A time for celebrating Hollywood's biggest and best moments of the past year.  A time where families gather near and close to watch the spectacular talent taking stage to accept and receive the greatest trophy.. the Oscar.  OK who i am kidding. Everyone watching the show including myself is looking for OMG moments and slip ups and embarrassing speeches and celebrities making fools of themselves.

First i would just like to say that, although i am not a fan by any means, i thought that Billy Crystal KILLED it last night.  His jokes were freaking funny. I was LRH (laughing real hard..come on people) a few times.  It was nice to hear him be unPC and make fun of different religions, races and even his rich coworkers.

There were definitely many OMG moments last night. Here is a few:

Survivor 1 World - A dumb blonde, a Brigitte Nielsen and an annoying gay guy.

Survivor 1 world.  This is my very first Survivor blog. I am hoping that i make you laugh a bit as well as I gather up some exciting, memorable moments done in my own special way. For my other blogs see dannybart.blogspot.com.  


Ok done with the plugging.. lets begin.  This season on Survivor we have the age old battle of men vs women.  However, this time both tribes will be sleeping together at 1 camp. So just a heads up parents.. put the kids to bed because shit is gonna go down.. it better!

The Bachelor - Meet the Parents 17

There is a time in every man's life where they must meet their significant others parents. D-Day as us men call it. Ok no we dont.  But it is always a bit nerve racking to hope that the parents will like you.  Especially if you are on a reality show dating 18 other women.  That first impression of the DREAM HUSBAND title certainly fades very quick in the parents minds when they hear that they will be meeting their daughter's reality show boyfriend. Which brings us to  this week on the Bachelor..HomeTown Dates.

 This is when the lucky man or woman gets to take their reality boyfriend/girlfriend home to meet their parents.  The parents usually swoon about how much they love their son or daughter's reality boyfriend/girlfriend.  And their is usually always a mom who is gushing at the vag for the man that the daughter brings home and of course the dad who is too tough for school and needs to show America that he is no-nonsense guy.  Cricket.. cricket. In this weeks episode Ben got to meet the parents of Lindzy, Kacey, Nikki and Courtney. Lucky him.. sarcasm.

The Bachelor - Do you Belize in love???

I first would like to say Happy Valentines Day to all my peeps reading this.   I hope you all enjoy your Hallmark Day as i know my wife and i will.. and Ava too!!

Ok with that said let's begin..

Ben and his bitches were in Belize this week.  N word Be-lizzzee  as i say to my homies. This episode was not a fav of mine. In fact it was quite boring almost as boring as these girls.. except Courtny of course.  Its funny to me how the girls are all suddenly "falling for Ben" after going on like 3 dates with teh guy with 17 other women. God knows what the dates are really like with all the "reality" over produced drama that the producers add.  Regardless, i chuckle this time in the show when they have falling for the Bachelor/Bachelorette.  Because at the end of the day these bitches arent trying to find true love as they solemnly swear. No, instead they are trying to win against one another. Last bitch standing. Who doesnt want that prize!!

The Bachelor - Blonds, CTDs and Panama

This last episode of the Bachelor had it all.  A dumb blond confused on love, a building shaped as a vagina, characters from Ace Ventura 2, Ben wearing a loin cloth, Blakley getting the boot and Courtney doing a great job of being Courtney.

First lets get right to the obvious.. well at least for me (male brain).  The fucking hotel looked identical to a vagina..no???

What the??  If anyone is looking for where the girls are staying just look for the giant vagina!!

The Bachelor - baseBALLS and Skinny Dipping

Take me to your leader

My apologies to my thousands of readers but i was out of the country in Germany for a few weeks where there was certainly no Bachelor to watch. In fact there wasnt anything in English to watch.  Well.. 2.5 men was on but it was in German. It was actually funny.

Ok but lets get right to it. I missed a couple episodes and watched them over the weekend with my lovely sidekick bad ass Rosie.  I am home from work today hungover after watching the Giants beat the Pats in the Superbowl. You can read all about it here   But now we have some fun to get to.

The Bachelor - The return of the dead...

Ah beautiful San Francisco. There is where the show had the pleasure to visit during this episode.  My wife and i went there a year or so ago and i must say one of the best cities in the US.. well the few that i have seen. But what we didnt do apparently was scale a bridge, ski down one of the HUGE hills they call streets, and have a girl that i spoke to once in my life fly all the way out to visit me to try and sabotage my relationship with my wife.  Boooo us... perhaps if we watched this episode first we would had a much better vacation.

Again.. no recap bullshit.. Aint my style with this show. Instead let's pick out some funny moments and disect and attempt to be as funny as possible.  I am rushing this because i am about to eat some Goolash at a friends in Germany.. thats just how i roll!  (EDIT - i sooo didnt finish in time)

The Bachelor - Blakely has very very nice boots

So does Blakely

Wow.. Ok so last nights episode of the Bachelor had Ben go on 2 1 on 1 dates and a group date.. blah blah blah.  I think the real discussion about last nights epsiode should be about Blakely and that stripper outfit she decided to wear in front of 12 year old playwrights.  Granted, i know, she didnt know that she would be standing in her underwear in front of 12 year olds.. but i am certainly not complaining either.  It was this outfit that got her the impression rose on the group date. Well done outfit.

Having gotten that out of the way what did we learn last night..

Kasey B Date
Ben's first date was with Kasey in his hometown of Sonoma....awwwwww as every woman watching this said i am sure.. I said YUCK.

Couple things on this date:

Kasey starts an awkward conversation by stating very very nervously "when i was little.. i used to". NOw what secret can she hold that makes her soooo nervous to tell Ben. Lets have some fun with this..

The Bachelor - greatest show on tv? A male perspectvie and critique of newest season.

There comes a time in every man's life where they will admit a gut-wrenching, tiny bit of information that if revealed can do more harm than good.  Yes people.. i watch the Bachelor.  And i am also going to say that i think it is one of the greatest shows on TV.  Not for the love.. no no.  But for the pure entertainment of watching women being women.  All for the sake of getting the love and attention of one man is 2 words.. Gen-ius.  Many men will shake their heads in disagreement but i am telling you the science project is over.. Woman CANNOT get along with each other especially if a man is involved.  Put a camera in front of them and its over Johnny.  You have TV gold!

American Horror Story Finale 1.12 - Afterbirth = What the shit?!

The American Horror Story finale was beyond bizarre and wasn't at all what i expected. It started with Ben trying to kill himself to be relieved by his dead wife and daughter.  Only to be hung, suicide style, by Hayden and her ghost thugs.  It was certainly a quick out for Ben but maybe too quick?  He was the star of the show.  He is then reunited with his family forever in the Muder House.. Somebody better knock this house down already.

American Horror Story 1.11 - Birth

Who is more fit to raise a kid.. the ghosts or these bitches

Are ghosts fit to raise babies?  This was the granddaddy (pun intended) question on this weeks American Horror Story. In one of the most bizarre episodes yet i am not even sure where to begin.  This episode was filled with fighting ghosts, ghost teenage breakups, monster ghosts trying to kill and of course an extremely bloody birth of the "devil" baby.  In what should have been the biggest reveal/moment when Vivien dies its actually what proceeds during the interaction between mother and daughter that its most fitting.  Im not sure if it was the simplicity of the scene after just witnessing crazy ghosts performing child birth or the what-should-be moment that Viv and Violet never had but it was beautiful. Viv's death was coming.. i called this weeks ago.  But of course i didnt even have an inkling that Violet was dead.. im embarssed by that one. The simple transfer of words "I'm sorry you lost your baby" with the motherly reply "I didnt lose my baby" shows that the show as whacky as it is still has phenomenal touching moments like these.

Where to begin.. shit i dont even know..

American Horror Story Ep 1.10 - Smoldering Children (MAJOR spoilers)

VIOLET IS DEAD!!!  SHE IS A GHOST!!!!!!

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Tate is dead and so are you!

American Horror Story 1.08 and 1.09 - Spooky Little Girl

Now if Patrick had been murdered in the Murder House then this could have happened!!

This weeks American Horror Story may have been one of the best yet. It had spooks and scares and laughs and even ghost orgies!  Doesnt get any better than ghost orgies.

This episode was sorta all over the place with the timelines so let's just start from the beginning....

An American Horror Story 1.6 - Piggy Piggy

 Daddy i sleep with dead people.

So i am a little late on this for whoever is reading this. I was on vacation from the tv for a few days indulging in Key West sun rays and food.  mmmmm..  This post is maybe irrelevant as i am already an episode behind but oh well..

American Horror Story 1.05 - Halloween part 2

So what'd do last night.. oh ya know the usual.. you?

They weren't joking when they said in the prior episode that the dead are free to roam around on Halloween. The ghosts of the Murder House had their mini vacation and need to get back to doing what they do best... scaring the shit out of the people who live in this house and us folks at home watching.


This weeks episode leaves off just as the last one (part 1) left off.  We see ol 2 face knocking at the door asking for his money but instead of 2 dollars this time its 1000 bucks.  Apparently $1000 will do lots for this gentleman.  Violet is alone in the house because her no good parents left her there so she can attend to the door for trick-or-treaters.  righht... So as Larry is knocking and screaming things that shouldnt be said on cable TV her phone rings.  Its Tate ... Here he comes to save the day (singing in Mighty Mouse voice).... He wants to go on a date or something and just like that she leaves the house.  No note.  No phone call to the parents.  No nothing.  The Harmons come home to their house alarm blazing and not a soul in the house.. of course i was joking.  There are like 1000s of souls in this house.  The door knocks and you would guess it is Mr security man but no instead it is Hayden.  Apparently she got the memo that she is allowed to come out and play also on Halloween.  Viv calls Violet and instead of yelling at her for just leaving the house she asks if she is having fun with her friends trying to win Mom-of-the-year. A little too late for that. Violet has gone dead boy and is not going back.

American Horror Story 1.04 - Halloween Pt1

Trick or Treat. Smell my feet.  Give me something good to eat.  In the case of American Horror Story the "something good to eat" is a either a vomit-inducing cupcake or a punch in the face by ol Rubber Man.  The first part of the Halloween episode gave us some better plot direction and more over-the-top scares.  Halloween is a time when the ghosts can roam free and this episode certainly didn't shy away from this at all. 


The ep starts with the previous gay tenants of the house, Patrick and Chad.  Chad is played by Zachary Quinto who is from the phenomenal series Heroes (if and only if you watched the first season.. the rest of the seasons were TERRIBLE) and of course Spock from the new Star Trek reboot.  Recently Zachary came out and admitted he was gay.  And in this episode he is either playing himself or doing a great job playing the bitchy boyfriend who suspects his boyfriend is cheating on him.  The couple get into an argument like a normal married couple would.. ya know the husband having an affair with his ripped up Twink trainer and within a few minutes we are revisited by Rubber Man.  Apparently Rubber Man hates gay people because he gave Chad a serious beat down.  Im surprised that GLAAD wasnt called on this one!  Im starting to think that this gimp would kick the living shit out of THE gimp from Pulp Fiction.

An American Horror Story Season 1 - eps 1 -4

 American Horror Story - My take so far from the first 4 episodes

Wow.. where to begin!  Ghosts.  Nightmares.  Creepy dead kids.  Dead things in mason jars.  Scary haunted house. Oh my!  And this only from the pilot.  An American Horror Story is engaging, creepy, scary, sexy and dam entertaining.  I must admit the pilot did creep me out ALOT.  I was afraid of waking up to a man in a rubber suit above my head.  Or a sweet little girl with down syndrome in a yellow dress saying "You're going to die in here.".  All i can say is that after the first episode i really really liked it.

Looks like something from the Matrix