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| Take me to your leader |
Ok but lets get right to it. I missed a couple episodes and watched them over the weekend with my lovely sidekick bad ass Rosie. I am home from work today hungover after watching the Giants beat the Pats in the Superbowl. You can read all about it here But now we have some fun to get to.
I will just make believe that the last 2 episodes were one reallllyyy lonnng episode
First date - Rachel
It is clear that Rachel does not wear a supporting bra. They visit beautiful Utah but who knew Utah was sooo beautiful. I certainly didnt. I just assumed there were a bunch of women married to 1 guy. Oh and Napolean Dynamite certainly didnt make Utah look spectaculiar... EAT YOUR FOOD TINA.
During their date they take a canoe out into the middle of a lake and make out. How romantic except for the 72000 flies that were flying all around them. You think they would have edited that scene or someting. There were bugs everywhere. I am pretty certain there was flies swishing around in their mouths when they were kissing.. gewwwwwwwwwww
Rachel has the personality of a walnut. What a boring date. She then tells Ben that she has communication issues.. no shit. Ben just continues to eat as she is telling him how bad she is at communicating. Ben obviously is more interested in his steak. I dont blame him. Her communicating to Ben telling him that she is a bad communicator is what gets her the Rose. I am confused as you are.
Ben looks like a monkey from the Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
The other one on one date - Nikki
This time they are in Puerto Rico and it is raining..hard. So they decide to walk around in the rain. Actually Ben does and she just follows. He says he is proud that she is sooo cool about doing this but i dont think she has a choice. Nikkis makeup comes off revealing she is a man.. DOH. Puerto Ricans are looking out their windows seeing these 2 fools walking around in the rain and all they can say is Dumb Americans.
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| Perhaps Ben was assuming this would happen? |
Quite possibly one of the "where-were-you" moments happened during this episode when Ben decides to dress as a "local" wearing a ridiculous all white outfit with a hat that even Castro wouldnt wear. Lady Gaga couldnt even pull this off. Click here for some scary Lady Gaga outfits.
When in Rome Ben?.. Here is what Ben will wear when he travels the world:
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| Ben in Brazil |
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| Ben in London.. yeaahh baby |
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| Ben in France |
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| Ben in Germany for Oktoberfest |
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| Ben visiting Greece |
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| Ben visiting India |
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| When in Rome.. |
During the date Nikki tells Ben that she wants to have the real deal when she marries again. Ok so go on a reality show to compete against 16 other women for true love.. riiiiighhtttttt
I think there was a moment when a young man walked over to Ben and gave him his lunch as an honor of respect assuming that Ben was a drug lord.
Nikki talks to Ben telling him that watching this wedding makes it seem soo real... umm youve been divorced for 3 years. You havent been to a wedding since?!
Afer a few drinks nikki opens up and talks about her past. Its here we learn that she killed her husband and ate his remains after catching him for the 400th time cheating on him with men.
Group dates pt 1
The first of 2 group dates.. ben decides to come in on a horse and looks like a retard* (*disclaimer: slang for silly looking. Not in any means a handicapped person) Ben tells teh girsl "we are going fly fishing" and the girls go crazy with excitment.. ummm..maybe i am just too Jersey but that does not sound fun and i am a man.
Samantha, who looks like Lady Gaga as a blond, gets a talking to by Ben for not taking the show serious and just like that she is out and gets the boot. It was actually pretty funny.. in fact anytime a girl cries on the show i find it funny. Samantha has 1 small bag with her..thats it. I had 2 huge suitcases when i was in Gernmany and was only there for 2.5 weeks. Maybe i am the girl.
I like how the other girls cry whenever someone leaves the show. Isnt it a competition against each other. Shouldnt they be happy and not crying. The only person who never cries is Courtney which brings me to my next topic.
Group dates pt 2 - This used to be my playground
Instead of taking the girls shopping for diamonds as the note intended, Ben takes them to play baseball. Of course they wear cute little outfits so it was a little rewarding for us male veiwers. Girls have to play a baseball game against each other to stay on the second part of the date. Losers go home where they can go back to the hotel and drink and touch each other. Id rather go back to the hotel.
Rosie Bart "apparently blakely is very good with balls" but then gets trumped by Courtney's comment "who knew strippers can play baseball".
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| Ok i think its safe to say that Blakely is very good with balls |
blakely says "sucks" alot perhaps she is thinking of her day job
Casey B's hair can go from straight to curly in seconds. Its like a magic show. If Ben and Casey were to wed and have kids.. here is what they will look like:
Courtney
Courtney looks like an ugly plastic doll. She wears wayyy too much moisturizer and i think she can lube a car with all that oil on her forehead. She has a funny looking mouth that doesnt seem to go with her face. Her overbite is bad and she cleary had work done on her face and lips. But what is not to love about this girl. She waits for Ben in nothing but a bra and a robe after he dumps Elyse. Then seducing him and gets him to go skinny dipping. Love this girl. Every girl should be playing this game like this. I mean seriously who finds real love anyway on this show. I think so far the show is 2-16 with lasting weddings and relationships. Go all out.. show your stuff. Be a slut. Fight for your man..sheesh
Some things..
Did i miss an epsiode? Jennifer went from being in my top 3 to going home. HUH? And then doesnt even ask him anything about why she is leaving. And he just says to her it was nice meeting you and there she goes on her way. Wow!
Some reasons why Ben suddenly had a change of heart of Jennifer:
- realized that she is NOT a real red head
- deleted him on Facebook
- because she didnt get excited when Ben told the girls they are going fly fishing
- she prefers beer over wine
- Her vagina smells like raw sewage.. so bad that he was constantly smelling the sea when he was around her and couldnt figure out why.
Ben woke up the next morning after his swimming session with Courtney a little dazzled. Probaly becuase of the STD he caught in the water from her. You know Ben..ocean water does NOT protect you from STD!
Signs you have aquired a Courtny STD:
- Constant frizzy hair - CHECK
- Always looking confused - CHECK
- Constantly referring to the girl that said no to him when he proposed - CHECK
- dressing like a Cuban dancer - CHECK
- gets confused and votes off Jennifer - CHECK
Monica gets the boot and now she has to drive down a snowy mountain and face death...sheesh
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| Monica is a go getter and Ben votes her off. Booooooooo |
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| Monica can sooooooooooo suck the chrome off this muffler |
Elyse got the boot. Perhaps Ben was intimitated by the fact that she can lift more than him. Not sure. But i found some unshown footage here. I apologize by the way for todays very very bad photoshops.. i am on my work computer and have to use shitty Paint..booooo
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| Ben had to kick off Elyse in fear of his life |
Some other hidden footage....
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| The kiss that almost wasnt. The stench of Courtney's dirty vagina is what saved Ben from getting eating by sharks |
And finally.. Ben tells teh girls they are going to panama city panama.. now i can say that i dont anyting about panama except that it is a gateway for cocaine.. but how twould the girls know anything about panama. Yet they are SOOOOOOOOOO excited!! Cant wait to see what outfit Ben wears tonight!!
Check out my other Bachelor posts. http://dannybart.blogspot.com/search/label/The%20Bachelor
