Having said all that, who doesnt want to be in Ben's shoes. You go on a show to get to date like 22 women all at once. You get to take them on some dream dates like climbing up bridges. Then at the end of the day you can sleep with them if they say yes to not you but the card that was given to you. Ben looked like a dog in heat every time a girl got a card. He was like soooooo are we gonna do this or what. The dinner was still hot on their plates. That player couldn't wait to sleep with these women.
Dates:
First Date - Nikki
On his first date in Switzerland, Ben decides to go with the Edward Scissorhands look sans the scissors. I mean he totally pulled it off <sarcastic smile>. Of course he takes her on the date of a lifetime on you guessed it a helicopter ride around the Alps. And of course they go on a picnic on top of a mountain.
Women should not watch this show for 2 reasons..
- this is a fairtytale show. No man will EVER take you on a date like this
- I like a picnic just as much as the next guy (which clearly means i dont like picnics) but come on. This show does nothing but up the sales of picnic blankets and baskets for poor shlubs like me
Some footage that didnt make the show:
They go on like 7 picnics in this date on top of like 5 mountaintops. I actually fell in love with Ben a little on this date. I am not going to lie.
The 2 kiss and i swear that Nikki had to wait a second for Ben to turn away so that she can wipe the slobber from her mouth.
We have obtained footage of Ben and his first kiss ever.. I WARN YOU NOW.. IT IS HARD TO WATCH!
They go back to the love shack and of course have this wonderful dinner where Ben's other head tells him to interupt dinner and present the card that "Chris gave him" aka the will-you-sleep-with-me card. Without any hestiation she is like BOOYYAAAAA and off they go.
We all know who goes home.. its Nikki obviously. But where did she go wrong
Let's see...
- Was it their first disagreement on kids.. Ben says he wants 4 and she says 2.. oh shiitttttt.
- Is it because she is a dental hygenist and is always brushing her teeth.. that can get annoying
- Or is it because her vagina smelled like Swiss Miss that night? I mean they are in Switzerland.
- Then of course the obvious.. she was TERRIBLE in bed.. or just not as good as Courtney
Will we ever know why??????????? ;-)
Next date - Lindzi
Lindzi totally decides to man up and not wear a jacket while they are in the mountains. Ben definetely feels less of a man with his Goo Goo dolls outift. Instead of taking a helicopter around the beautiful mountains and have a lovely picnic, Ben decides to take this bitch to free fall off a bridge into a gorge. Nice work Ben.
On Lindzi's show resume did it read?: Will do advernturous stuff for sex.
I mean it must have because so far this girl has gone on every date i have dreamed of. I am very very jealous of her.
I say to Rose "Let me guess whats at the bottom.. a picnic??" and of course.. you guessed it!!
As i always say you know you found true love if you can survive a free form fall into a gorge with a stranger.
Ben surprisingly drops the L word not once but twice about Lindzy in his confessionals. But he picks Courtney.. or does he???
Another OMG moment happens when Ben decides to dress like an out-of-work magician by showing up in his Sherlock Holmes jacket and a bowtie that his great great grandfather gave him. I mean he must have. Why else would he wear it?! It is clear now that the show stylists are no longer dressing him.
Prior to the shagging, Ben tells Lindzy that he loved watching her open up and now my friends he will watch her open her legs if she is willing. Of course she says YES and Ben shags 2 girls in 2 nights! WOWZERS!! I just hope that Ben cleaned out the gutters before his dates.. if you know what i mean. wink wink.
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| Ben totally forgot to "clean up" after he drained the pipes before his dates.. |
I thought for sure, with that outfit that he was wearing, he was going to pull a condom out of his hat. Like David Copperfield sytle. Hocus Pocus FU-CUS (say the last word fast..get it.. no?)
Third Date - Courtney
Ben decides to dress himself yet again. This time he is attempting to rock a PeaCoat that Inspector Clouseau from the Pink Panther wore. Maybe he is a fan.. i dont know. I am pretty sure that when Courtney sees him running towards him like a girl she is thinking to herself 'good lord.. what is he wearing now!'
The 2 take a train through Swtizerland and talk about trains as if its the greatest and most romantic way to travel. Apparently these 2 have not been in NYC.
Ben goes to a grocery store to buy some, you guessed it, Swiss Cheese. That is soooo dumb American. What's next? He is going to go to France and have French Toast or French Fries. Dingleberry
Of course the 2 of them have yet another picnic. This time it is around a bunch of cows. Didn't Ben get the clue that grazing animals shit no matter where they are. I can only imagine that smell on that picnic. A mix of cow shit and Courtney's situation down yonder. GEWWWWW
Courtney puts on another superb performace as they talk about, once again, the other girls not liking her. I believe that the Emmy board has recieved notice of Courtney and her recent acting. I suspect an emmy nod coming her way in the future.
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| See guys.. its not me that smells!! |
Ben takes Courtney to what looks like the Illuminati headquarters. Of course there is wine and Ben is happier than a pig in shit or i should say a Courtney in shit. Here ben tells her that he has women friends like his mom and sister and is afraid that Courtney will not be able to get along with them. America knows the answer to this.. ben does not.
Courtney's breathe totally smells like Chris Harris's penis as she totally just sucked it prior to this date with Ben. As she is talking about girls not liking her Ben just couldn't wait for her to finish so he could drink his wine.. he was sooo going through withdrawal. Courtney gets the will-you-shag-me card from Ben but i really really think that she wrote her own card instead. This go getter has already slept with him like 8 times in 7 countries including jungles, ruins and oceans so this isnt really that special anymore. Ben totally just had sex with 3 girls in 3 days.. WOW!
Surprise Surprise...
In a "surprise" twist Kasey B returns to tell Ben that she loves him and wants another chance or something like that. I didnt get it because all she kept doing was saying how nervous she was. As she begins to talk they should have cued Alannis Morisette's "Uninvited". That would have been appropriate. Ben has nothing to say. It gets awkard and she leaves. But instead of leaving she decides to practice her planking outside his room.
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| Kasey practicing her planking just minutes before her surprise Ben visit |
Now i am really really starting to think that a CTD outbreak has already occurred in all the girls. Patient 0 aka Courtney needs to be quarantined immediately. If you look close it seemed every girl had a "blemish" aroudn their mouth.. hmmm.. We got a better picture prior to makeup.
