Ok done with the plugging.. lets begin. This season on Survivor we have the age old battle of men vs women. However, this time both tribes will be sleeping together at 1 camp. So just a heads up parents.. put the kids to bed because shit is gonna go down.. it better!
Some concerns i have always had about the show
- God dam they must STINK.. and i dont just mean their armpits
- Jeff Probst seriously needs to get a new outfit
- Why are the girls wearing makeup!?
- Why is there always a token something on the show?
- How many times has Jeff said "once the idol is read you will be asked to leave the competition immediately"?
- Its always the person who never says a word or is in the background not doing anything who wins the show. Vote that person off NOW!
I can go over the entire show and explain what happened but what fun is that. Instead let's have some fun with 3 main characters - Colton, Kat and Nina.
Colton
As with every reality show the way it works is they take a particular or event and edit the shit out of it to make a storyline that they can use for a good arc on teh show. This season so far we have the gay guy, Colton - which by the way is a completely bad ass name. The editors have already made Colton to be the complete psycho on the show. He went from being the most hated person and vulnerable person on the show to becoming the king or queen of the game. Now i am not sure if the editors or producers were able to make this happen with their editing magic but from watching last weeks episode one can clearly see is that this guy is a very very unbalanced person. He either has no idea how to play the game or is the greatest Survivor hustler since Russell. We shall wait and see how this character unfolds. He was given the idol from one of the other girls putting him in an extreme power role. But then as quick as Koutrney goes through marriages, he managed to piss off all the men in his tribe and the women whom he clearly has an emotional bond with as well. Colton decides to do no work and somehow pulls through as the most powerful person in this game by showing the idol to his tribemates. The dude goes from clearly being the first man to be voted out in the game to now well let's see.
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| Colton describing the size of one of his tribemates certain members |
Kat
Ahh.. another young blonde on Surivor and a not-so-bad looking one either i may add. But the one thing that this girl is lacking is a brain. Now in the real world her looks can probably get her places. Like the local go-go pole, the Stepping Out cover page, the spank bank of millions of young men. You get the point. But in the wonderful world of Survivor you are not going to go far. Especially on a team of all women. Women hate each other and if you are good looking you are going to be hated even more. The only exception to this rule is Parvati who, in my opinion, is one of the greatest players to play the game. Why? Because she took her pretty little self and actually used it to get what she wanted.. the million dollar prize. So what if this included getting every man and woman wanting to sleep with her. Kat doesnt have the brain to do this. She jumps into the water 2 times when she didnt have to. She tried to get by 1 girl on the log and failed miserably. And when it came to arguing with Nina (i will get this to later) she had a complete meltdown about having it all together and always #winning because she has never tried anything that she knew she couldnt succeed in. A very bold statement in which Jeff calls her out in. Niagara Falls after that. (this means she was crying people..come on!) However, Kat completely changed me for about 10 seconds when she clearly had the first where-were-you-moment this season when she decides to go and fart on Alicia. WTF!?? I loved this girl for about 7 seconds and then she started talking again. Booo
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| Ohhhhh Kat!!! |
Nina
If you were to take Brigitte Nielson and hit her even harder with the ugly stick then you would have Nina. It looks like Rocky fought her instead of Drago in Rocky 4. Good Lord. The only thing that this woman did right was start a fight with Kat which was very very enjoyable. Apparently the ex cop does not like stupid dumb blondes as she clearly says this not once but twice in this episode. She recieved a stay on vote for me when she calls Kat out during the tribal council starting what would be the first awesome tribal argument. Im sure if anything can beat Russell's nephew Brandon and his breakdown and complete breakdown of his alliance's strategy ... genius
So folks the first big battle of the season took place this past episode. The battle was between Kat and Nina. It was a bloody battle but at the end it was Nina who was sent packing to a luxurious hotel and spa....mmmmm.. Here is the recap of that battle
Round 1
Kat hits a low "blow" when she farts on Alicia causing a "whirlwind" of "steam" throughout the tribe. (like what i did there). Nina confesses that Kat is a dumb blond and needs to go home. The fart was more than enough to take this round. Kat 10 - Nina 8
Round 2
The immunity challenge was a doozy for Kat. She failed miserably trying to get by the girls. Was it beacause of the fake boobs she was trying to pass or was it her complete lack of knowlege that put her in the water like 5 times. After the team finally decides to replace her with someone else, Kat pulls something that even polish me wouldnt do. She grabs the girl as she is trying to pass her. There was no need for her to do this. By doing so, the girl (dont remember her name) has to jump in the water and start over. But guess who decides to jump in the water too.. Kat. What a dingleberry. She doesnt do this once but twice. Nina lets out her inner Drago by yelling KILL HIM..ok that is from Rocky.. no but she yells Dumb Blonde. Nina clearly wins this round. Nina 10 - Kat 6
Round 3
During the tribal council Nina jumps at the opportunity to call out Kat and her idiocracies. The tribe agrees and the battle begins. Kat starts to cry and Jeff is all over her. A clear victory for Nina..right?? but NO???? Somehow at the end of the round Kat's alliance pulls through and votes off Nina and sends her packing back to Russia. Nobody ever saw that coming.
10 things..
- Never hire a teacher who says "Please. If i saw her swimming in the ocean and she was drowning i would look the other way". Hey.. At least she said please. Sabrina was the person who said this who is also now the "leader" of the girls tribe
- Check that nobody else is named Troyzan before calling yourself Tarzan. Major dissapointment if there was a DCart on the island with me.
- Fake boobs lose challenges. This was clearly evident in this past episode.
- Men are from Mars and Women still cant get a long with each other. The one time that girls need to stick together they fail miserably.
- Telling people that you are not here to play the game of Survivor maybe actually works!! As clear in Colton's emotional rollercoaster ride when he admits this to the girls after nobody wants to play with him.
- A little person is on the show and not 1 person makes a short joke? Nobody?? Where is Boston Rob or Russell when we need em
- Sabrina puts the show on hiatus after her comment "we needed tarp like fat man needs cake". The FMA..Fat Mans Association, has come forward and is now threatening a lawsuit. Nice job teacher
- Dress Code - DO NOT wear your work clothes to Survivor. This message is to Jonas who is a sous chef for his day job and decides to wear his chef outfit occassionly on the island. I would wear my pocket protector cause thats what us programmers wear.
- Success is only for those who try to succeed. This message is to Kat who states she has never tried anything in life that she knew she wouldnt be able to succeed at. Hmmm... <insert joke here>
- Jeff IS still needed for challenges. A Probst-less challenge.. a first in Survivor.. was clearly evident during the knot challenge. I had no idea who was winning what. Just a bunch of yelling.. booo.
