I know i am 3 years late to the party but my wife and i finally got around to watching the show Spartacus. I must say it is very good! Its sort of 300 meets Gladiator meets original Spartacus meets Kill Bill Vol1 meets porn. Everything about the show just works. I plan to start blogging about each ep as i watch. Enjoy.
Basic Plot
Some creepy dude named Claudius Glaber comes to talk to a bunch of hunky shirtless Thracian men trying to get them to fight with the Romans against the Getaes. Some unnamed bad ass, who dont take shit from nobody, decides to not listen to his orders when Glaber, after the orders of his smoking hot wife, changes his plans to attack the Getaes leaving the Thracian's village vulnerable. This pisses Glaber off and the next thing you know his men are attacked by the unnamed dude and his army. Glaber's men report back to Glaber what has happened and shit goes down. Glaber orders the burning of the Thracian village and the men to slavery; including the dude and his hot wife all of whom are captured. We then get a glimpse of the show's future; gladiator games. The slaves are shipped to Rome to fight against a team of Gladiators designed by the Senate. We see some men who look like they drank more than just 5 sips of water a day as they look bigger than some of our bodybuilders today. There is some political debate between the 2 Gladiator teams which Im assuming we will learn more about in the later episodes. The Thracians are to fight against the weaker bunch of gladiators. One by one, the Thracians get chopped up. Finally, the showcase battle, we see the dude come out and ready to fight a tired Gladiator who just chopped the head off an old friend of his. Just when you think this dude has had enough 3 other mofos come out with whips and chains in full getup to come kill this Thracian dude. Immediately they beat the crap out of the dude. Blood squirts everywhere. The dude sees the Red Serpent (the name of the episode) on the shield of one of the Gladiators and thinks back to his wife telling him to kill them all. Like the Hulk biting his lip, the dude releases hell on these men killing them one by one. The crowd goes nuts. The Senate is surprised. Glaber is humiliated. The man, whose name is Batiatus, who owns the undefeated Gladiators that did not fight, decides to buy this unnamed bad ass Thracian and use him to fight in future fights. The Senator agrees. Batiatus then names him "Spartacus" because he fought like the ferocious Thracian king of that name.
A Few Things...
- These MOFOs are jacked. I am going to personally suggest that Krank Systems, the gym i train at, start incorporating Gladiator and Sword fighting in our everyday workouts. I also learned that eating is overrated. These people dont eat a thing and they look like they just got out of the Russian Ivan's, from Rocky 4, training regime. Christ on a pony!
- This show is great for everyone. You have kick ass fighting. Lots of blood with limbs flying off. Heads rolling all over. Hunky men walking around with their armor shirts off. Then, of course, you have the hot women who have bodies like they live in the 21st century hanging around all naked. What's not to love about this show!
- I love how they all speak English and with English accents. English was not around until about a thousands years later. Perhaps, we should credit the Romans for introducing us to this language!
- Spart and his chick LOVE to shag. What i am concerned is there cleanliness. He just fought a long hard battle and immediately she is on top of him. I hope she cleaned herself afterwards otherwise i am assuming a very bad Urinary Tract Infection or even a smelly yeast situation. She should start eating cranberries now!
- Spart wraps a purple cloth around his wife's leg before he leaves for war, revealing the most perfectly shaved legs you have ever seen. I think Gillette needs to take notes on how the Romans did because dammm were those legs shiny.
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| What women of the 50s BC really looked like! |
- My wife cries when i leave for Germany or Brazil for a couple weeks. I cant imagine what she would do if i was leaving to go fight Romans with my trusty sword. She said last night, "I dont even like you going programming in Germany.. can you imagine going to war!" aawww
- The pilot visual effects were horrendous. There is a scene where it is snowing and it looks like it is from Frosty the Snowman.
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| I want to live in a country where snow falls but doesn't touch me or anything around me! |
- Spartacus comes back from fighting just prior to him being taken slave where his wife sees a gash that is the size of my head on his back. He doesnt even wince and says "it doesnt hurt". If i cut my cuticle, i am crying and asking my wife to check it for infection. His wife simply puts a dirty piece of cloth on the oozing wound. I am assuming they have good insurance because I can see Sepsis forming!
- After Spartacus fights in the arena, he is clearly beaten up bad. Is there a secret to healing that the Romans knew that we don't? Perhaps, they are using the same wax bath technique as in the movie Wanted?
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| I'm sure with just a little bit of gauze and Neosporin and he will be as good as knew! |
- This Spartacus would beat the living shit out of Russel Crowe's Gladiator.
