Quick Recap:
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| Im surprised Colton didnt catapult Lief |
Guys destroy the women at the immunity challenge. Apparently the men somehow figured out how to solve puzzles; or it could be the fact that the dummy Alicia, who got called out prior from the dumb blond that she cannot do puzzles, really cannot do puzzles. She slowed her team down to a standstill forcing the men to take the prize. I am surprised the men didn't blow this again like they did last week.
The Where-Were-You moment:
The where-were-you moment happened after the men won the immunity. For some strange reason, Colton talks to Jonas about trading places with the ladies to go to tribal so they can vote off Bill. And for even stranger reasons, everybody sort of agrees. Just prior, Bill gets in Coltons face attempting to fight a girl. Nice move BRA. Perhaps this was his demise?
The "switch" may have been the DUMBEST move in Survivor history. Why? Well, first off they need numbers. When they go into the merge they cannot rely on good ol' Colton to make friends with the ladies just because he is gay. I am assuming that by the time the merge does happen, which isn't for another like 5 weeks i may add, the girls will NOT like Colton. However, why get rid of a strong opponent because you don't like him. Makes no sense. And why is everyone listening to Colton. Who the fuck goes to tribal if they don't have to?!?!? I was soo confused by this. A true lug-nut of an idea, if you ask me!
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| Every man on this tribe has Homer brain. |
The second Where-Were-You moment:
This happened during the tribal council. Having all agreed to switch with the girls, the men made history by giving one of the most epic tribal councils ever. I actually think it beat out Brandon's constant breakdowns in last year's season. As the men stormed into tribal, Jeff's face was priceless. As if the producers didn't call him up prior and tell him that the men are coming; not the girls. Regardless, his acting was excellent. Jeff states some cool fan facts - 24 seasons and some 400 tribal councils which never had a team at tribal after winning immunity. Wow, i love this show!! - and starts to question the men.
Immediately tensions flare and like Colton on men (like what i did there) he begins what seemed like something that TV Guide will rank as a top reality moment. There is an exchange of words between Bill and Colton. Colton does the "unthinkable" and calls Bill a struggling comic. Apparently, you don't ever say the S word to Bill (s word..struggle? get it?..come on people) as it was Niagara Falls for him. One quick note, shouldn't Colton be crying as he is the girl in the group. Ok done with stereotypes. We find out or can insinuate that Colton is like a diva socialite who does nothing and lives off his super rich family. Somehow race and class gets involved and Colton says that black people have been in his life forever and then mumbles something. I couldn't hear it because i cant hear shit and so i had to rewind it.. not once but 3 times. Apparently he says that his housekeeper was black and she was like family. "One that gets paid" as Jeff implies. Colton, aka GKKK (Gay KKK), then goes on about rich and poor. It sounded like he was casting for the Titanic 2 or something. This whole moment seemed like Bill was on the Intervention show to get a real job. Poor guy.. pun intended.
Colton's dating profile.. courtesy of match.com
Colton is looking for someone to finally make me happy. Please, if you are black look back because honey i dont want you. I prefer someone who makes at least 6 figures. Girlfriend, if you ain't making the money then you ain't my honey.
"There's nothing worse than having a Mexican busboy standing over you as you try to eat your food. Get a real job. Pleazze sister. I dont have time for your begging."
The third Where-Were-You moment:
Immediately after Colton's unethical race and class talk, Tarzan speaks up. As he began to speak I could have sworn that i heard the Star-Spangled banner playing lightly in the background. He began to recite, which seemed to me, the white man's 'I Have a Dream' rendition of the great Martin Luther King Jr. He proceeded to vent about racism and how it HAS to stop and that he is sick and tired of hearing about it. At this point i was on my feet saluting to the TV as if it was the American flag. And as the music faded, just like that, it was over. Nobody made any comment to Tarzan's "Cant we all just get along" speech. It was actually comical.
A few things...
This may be the stupidest bunch of men i have ever seen. I certainly would never ever ask these men to perform their daily jobs for me:
- Tarzan is a plastic surgeon. He would change your skin color to grey because he doesn't believe in a black and white world
- Colton is a "college student". This means he lives with mom and dad and bullies his black, poor housekeeper all day.
- Bill is a poor struggling comedian. He can now talk about his show experience to make the audience laugh
- Jonas is a sushi chef. Your sushi would come out cooked
- Jay is a model. A model for "Being an Idiot".
- Lief aka WeeMan aka GoingHomeNextWeek is a phlebotomist which is a fancy name for someone who takes blood from you. He totally would miss your vein and give you bruised arms. Then read your chart and totally tell the Facebook world what you just had blood drawn for. Traitor!
- Michael is the banker. Should i say more?
- Troyzan is a swimsuit photographer. This creep definetely will "use" your pictures that he takes of you for his own pleasure later that night.
- Lief says he plays with his heart on his sleeve. Thats a really really short sleeve.
- Jay the Model speaks up at the tribal against Colton's word. He is so going home next week
- Why are they talking merge? Its week 3!?
- Tarzan should run for President
And the 4 major things we learned from this weeks show:
- Dont fuck with Colton
- Dont ever ever ever betray your tribe
- Tarzan HATES racism
- Colton only loves rich white people
Until next week... check out my other Survivor posts here
